Well, I do some of the things they spoke about already: volunteer, meditate, etc. so this has to be outside my "normal range" in order to challenge and push me. I immediately thought of homeless people. I am really so bothered, as a human being, to wander down the street and ignore people living outside, sitting there. Ignoring is the default, the easy answer. But what do I do instead? Do I give money? I don't have a lot of money to give, particularly not equally or meaningfully to everyone. Would they want anything else? How can I help?
My attempts in the past to rectify this, even minorly, I felt, came off as patronising and not really helpful. Nor did these attempts inform me of how to be an ally in the future.
So, my task for the hundred acts project (link to follow) is that I am going to have 100 conversations with people who are homeless. It is scary to me that I might offend people and I am one of the masses who find security in not talking to strangers so... wow... a challenge indeed.
Except today I surprised myself.
My mom and my Tony and I were walking down the street. I had my brolli, ma had her raincoat, and as the forecast did not call for rain, Tony had borrowed a brolli off of Andy. We were walking down the street to the train and I saw a guy, sitting on the pavement of upper street shivering. Now, I like my brolli. It is cute and small and fits in any bag. And as a bonus, I found it on the tube so it didn't cost me a farthing, but I knew...knew that I value other people more than the ownership of my brolli. I knew this was more important.
So, I ran back and leaned down and said, "Hey. Would you find this umbrella useful?" He said, "Sure, but what about you?" (As an aside, is it offensive to find his selflessness amazing? He is the one shivering in the rain and he is concerned for me.) I said, "My husband has a massive one that will cover us both." He said, "Sure." I gave him the umbrella and caught up with ma and Tony.
"And that was number one!" feeling pleased that I had started right away on my task (not procrastinating as is my default when I find something difficult or scary), but I became instantly aware as well that me feeling chuffed with myself was not the point.
I didn't hear him say thank you if he did and it didn't matter. I remembered my dear, departed Jo who taught me that one.
We finally got home (bah: unannounced engineering works!) and I checked the book of face. I saw one of my acquaintances on their who is living on the street and in shelters in California. Could she be my number two?
Regardless of the number, the take-home point is clearly that homeless people are people, as diverse as any demographic on the planet. They just happen, through circumstance, to live outside. It is obviously way more deep and complicated than that, and inevitably, I will have to face this during this time too, but that means that every one of the individuals I have the opportunity to talk to during these 100 conversations will be as easy or as difficult as any other person to talk to.
It is funny too because in my own weird way, I think this is my way of confronting the fact that for the longest, scariest night of my life, I was homeless. I tried living in a car and it was so so hard, even as it was nothing compared to what the people I will be talking to are dealing with, either in terms of ultimate or material support or in terms of conditions and the time actually spent in so potentially a vulnerable and unstable condition.
I feel gratitude for the opportunity to learn more, gratitude that my first conversation was an easy and kind one (so I can find encouragement to continue, and dare I say it? To be excited), and I feel grateful for the support I get from my community to do courageous things I never otherwise would have considered doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment