Baby Brain: Peoples' Evidence A

***Below is a reply to a friend's e-mail. She wrote from Ireland sending lovingly unsolicited advice.  Good advice.  And I went off one a bit.  Such is my lovely baby brain right now. I am quite enjoying it, but I wonder if anyone else is being driven slightly bonkers.  Well, sod 'em. Tangents are my lovely little islands of consciousness and I have a feeling that the in-between parts that I have only a passing awareness are now missing weren't really that important for the task at hand anyway.***

A--

Thank you so much.  I would class that all as intriguing advice, excellent leads from someone I really respect, and I really appreciate you taking the time to write it up and send it.  Do you mind me discussing a bit with you? If you do, skip to the bottom of this letter, and don't worry about it a bit.

As far as the advice: actually, one of the things I am doing is having a baby shower.  How typically North American, right?  But I like rites and rituals, so I am trying to make sure that there are as few nappy sculptures as possible and as much of lovely women space as possible. But one thing I wanted to do was ask everyone to bring a bit of advice or insight to pass along. I did this same ritual when T & I got married and the book that resulted has made the loveliest little memento and many things I don't need to consult the book for because they are firmly stuck in my head (like my friend Lydia [aged 8] who said "be fancy for each other" i.e. get out of the sweatpants every once in a while or my friend Mary who had been married and divorced three times who said: "You know, I am not that good at being married, but all I can say is, don't drag out the d word unless you really mean it." Golden stuff.)

Anyway-- (at least you wrote a lot about germane things!) I may--with your permission-- print out your note and put it in whatever the birthing equivalent book is. If you lived on this island instead of the next one over (and oh yeah, not a newly two-kidded mum), I would hope you'd be part of this day too.

Onto the advice. I have a good friend back in Oregon who is a hypnobirthing teacher.  If I was there, I would have signed up for her course. I am of two minds about it here.  First, it's pricey.  That puts Tony right off it and I need him participating. And I am wary that Londoners like charging too much for stuff in moments.  I will check out your friend, but the second thing that creeps onto my radar about it is in regards to instinct.  I have loved that part of being pregnant.  I feel like I am connecting to something really ancient and instinctual becoming a mother and being pregnant.  My inner voice that I have been trying to encourage and cultivate for years is louder and more sure of itself than... well, ever.  I don't know if I want to introduce a way of doing things, a philosophy. I don't know how much I feel like I need it.  That may sound ridiculously arrogant and naive.  It probably is to some extent.  But through my meditation practice as well that has been something I have worked with for years, I have been able to really practise observing pain and discomfort.  Even when quite intense.  Am I being really silly?

At the same time, I've never heard of the Ina May's Guide to Birthing, but I just reserved it from my local library, even though they are offensively disorganised.  (Sorry, their website makes me miss my old library so so much. And angry apparently.)  I can't believe I haven't heard of her as I have several friends that are midwives including my Mom's friend who delivered me. So thanks for compensating for this glaring discrepancy.

I will take my time to check out the other suggestions.  And stop writing for now.

But I wish you and M and S such enjoyment during this really special time. I am the eldest and I remember my sister's birth at our house, even though I wasn't even two.  It was an exciting night.  And then I had a little sister.  May you enjoy it and feel very loved and supported.

Bx